My youngest daughter has been dead for a week and a half now. What new starts can even be had?
I want to unstart, unplug, join her in her pure positive energy, or at least find a way to sleep dreamlessly for the next four or five years until our investments have dramatically increased in value, I’ve lost a few more pounds, and this incessant, throbbing, sneaky pain has abated somewhat
The only TV I can even remotely escape with is watching Bob’s Burgers with our eldest daughter, Charlotte, or reruns of Mary Tyler Moore while sitting on the sofa here in the Vancouver we have been gifted for a few months by a beloved friend, compliments of her deceased 90-something mother, to grieve and howl and heal in as a family-of-three instead of the perfectly equilateral family of four. We’ve gone from a square to a wobbly triangle.
But there’s no way around it. Emily is dead.
As the children’s story about mud goes (and this is some pretty deep sludge): you can’t go under it, you can’t go over it, you can’t go around it – you’ve got to go through it.
Well, fuckity fuck fuck fuck. Ain’t that the truth?
So, through it we are going, with our boots sucking in the mire through each impossible step.
I hope there will be more happiness or at least originality in upcoming posts because this is pretty cliche writing…but if there were ever a time to restart New Start Every Day, this is it.
My new start for today and my advice to all of you who are involved in something tragic that involves much hugging is to hug HEART TO HEART.
I am not a tall gal and my neck and shoulders have been strained with pain for all the compassion people are graciously giving me in the form of physical comfort. I adore a good hug; I believe deep healing or positive energy at the least can be transmuted: a heart-to-heart hug (left breast to left breast) can even further transfer healing, while having the added benefit of reducing neck strain and requiring less Tiger Balm to waft around one’s aura.
That’s what I have for you today. Oh, and a beautiful verse from the Bhagavad Gita that has spoken to me even more than the obnoxious squelchy mud story that I am smack-dab in the middle of while writing:
न जायते म्रियते वा कदाचि
नायं भूत्वा भविता वा न भूय: |
अजो नित्य: शाश्वतोऽयं पुराणो
न हन्यते हन्यमाने शरीरे || 2-20||
The soul is neither born, nor does it ever die; nor having once existed, does it ever cease to be. The soul is without birth, eternal, immortal, and ageless. It is not destroyed when the body is destroyed.
24 thoughts on “Heart-to-Heart Hugs”
‘We’re going on a bear hunt’ is such a wonderful story and now I will think of you every time (and there have been and there will be many, many times) when this dog-earred, somewhat crumpled, well-loved, worn book is plonked into my lap for yet another reading from a somewhat demanding granddaughter. I don’t know what the right things are to say. With lots of love and virtual hugs from me in Queensland – Mads xxx
Thanks for this, Leah….. it makes me feel closer to you all somehow. I can’t tell you how much I wish to give you all a truly heart-full, heart to heart hug. Just know that Emily, Charlotte, Don and you are in our thoughts and in our hearts. For now, sending you the biggest virtual hug again and again.
I cried reading this. So sorry for your loss. Thank you for sharing the quotation about the soul. Here is one that you may find helpful. "When man dies, his relation with the body ceases. The sun is reflected in the mirror; the mirror reflects the light and brilliancy of the sun, but the sun does not reside in the mirror. It does not enter nor come out of the mirror, nevertheless one sees it in the mirror, so the soul reflects itself in the body. If the mirror be broken the sun does not die. The body is the temporary mirror; the spiritual soul suffers no change, no more than the sun does remaining eternally in its own station. Even as in the world of dreams when all the physical faculties are in abeyance and the soul travels in all realms seeing, hearing, speaking, so when the physical body decomposes, the soul is not affected."
‘Abdu’l-Bahá, Divine Philosophy, p. 127
Thank you for writing. I somehow hear your voice as I read and it is comforting (as you have always been). My heart absolutely breaks for you and your wonderful family. Love to you all. Lisa
Global hugs from me to all of you. I am thinking of you as you walk this new path.
Dear Leah, Thinking about you all and Emily too. Keep writing what you feel. Xxx
I am so sorry for this crushing loss. Lifting prayers for you and your family. Dianej10
I'm so sorry. I hope some peace and comfort finds you. ((hugs))
I don’t know what to say, Leah. I’m so shocked to hear this. I have no words…You and your family are in my thoughts and my prayers and my heart.
Oh Leah…wish I could give you a big hug right now!! I probably wouldn’t reach your left breast (as I’m only 4’11 ) but I know we would somehow meet! Can’t even imagine what you are all going through but know I care & hope that you will all find some peace through all of this loss & pain!
Leah, I’m so sorry you’re in anguish. As many days there are in a year, is as many times the Lord reminds us to not fear, that he is with you. He is with you, Leah… He feels your breaking insides.
I am so glad you are writing, Leah. What a privilege to walk alongside you as you process life without Emily's physical presence while still experiencing her very-real spirit and the love she's poured into this world and our lives. We love your family and wish this all weren't so.
Here is heart to heart HUG!
Sending massive heart to heart hugs Leah, Don and Charlotte with love and prayers for comfort as you grieve. There are simply no words other than to echo your fuckity, fuck,fuck,fuck. Like Mads, I will think of Emily and you all whenever I read We're going on a Bearhunt..and pray that her light illuminates your way throughout your healing journey.
Love from Sharon D in South Aussie
That surreal time where you can't go backwards as much as you want to, you have to keep going forward and every morning you wake up and you once again are shocked by the reality. I hear you. I am holding you all in my heart
My gorgeous friend and her gorgeous family, thank you for ‘picking up your pen’. I hope restarting your blog brings you comfort and helps you heal. To think of the things you have and to write them so eloquently in this time of broken hearts, is amazing to me. I am sure I would just be under the duvet and not want to ever come out. I will look in the night sky to see Emily’s star – I am sure she is shining bright. Sending you all the biggest virtual hug. Love you xxx
You are loved so much. Our hearts break with yours. Bob’s Burgers is never time wasted. Those writers are a gift and so are you. Grief is relentless, best not to walk alone. Your amazing community around you will be a much needed saving grace for you all. Keep writing and the saving grace around you will keep showing up – heart-to-heart. ❤️ Sharon S
You are so gifted. Even in the more, you are a truth teller. So honest. So raw. So real. I can’t fathom your grief but I heed your guide and will hug even deeper than I do—with full heart.
This is another grief quote that has helped me though my pain. "I will continue to be. But you have to be very careful to see me. I will be a flower or a leaf. I will be in these forms and send you a greeting. If you are aware enough, you will recognize me and be smiling at me. I will be very happy about it." -Thich Nhat Hanh
Sending your wobbly triangle positive vibes to get up each day and put one foot in front of the next.
Dear Leah, I can't even imagine how all of you are feeling. I admire your strength and I wish you all the peace and love.
My condolences and here is a tight hug for your triangle
Leah, I am so sorry to hear of Emily’s passing. My heart is breaking for you all and I will lift you up in prayer. Lynne in NC
From Gary and family
Ms. Rempel,
It breaks my heart to hear of this tragedy and if you need anything, please let me know. I neither know where nor how illiterate I would be without you and your guidance. I cannot imagine what you are going through right now. I will continue to read your blog for as long as it continues so that I may be with you in these trying times. Please accept my condolences and know that I will always be here to support you and your family. Thank you so much for everything! – Ben