I’ve been so tired and so inactive. Dragging my body around the block in the drizzle has been nearly impossible. Getting on the plush carpet to do Pilates or stretching has been a constant push-pull of aching muscles and heart. My body has wanted to do little other than hibernate. Perhaps this is the natural process of grief.

The other day I came across a quote from Abraham Hicks about how 17 seconds of rapt intention on a feeling can completely shift your vibration: simply by holding a thought. I realized how concentrated I have been on all-things why and what’s–next, and how few of the moments of my day have been spent on positivity. Yes, I have also been intently focused on finding peace and relief from this pain. Yes, I have been, at times, laser-focused on exploring this and finding avenues of relief. But much of each day of the past two months has been spent being dormant and numb.

So what if I accessed the most positive aspects and love of Emily to me and I to her for several times for a series of seconds each day? How might I do that?

One of the aspects Emily is well-known for is her relentless activity. When studying, she would have her notes perched on her violin music stand, and while learning and incanting the formulas of physics and the tones of Chinese, she would be lunging, squatting, punching, strengthening…always active, always getting stronger.

Emily was an athlete: an avid volleyball fan and talented player; she could run and swim and hurdle and play soccer with the best of them. Her one achilles tendon was not that, but her knees. She’d had physical therapy for years to help them grow stronger, but there was a congenital problem that would have her knees popping out of their sockets on a regular and painful basis. So she trained hard – harder than anyone – just to be able to play on the varsity team, and even then, often she would have to sit out because of injury or strain. It caused her much emotional and physical distress.

But she was always about getting stronger and better, in every way. Until she wasn’t. Until she couldn’t be. And this I understand and forgive. I, rather, choose to remember this dogged persistence and the pleasure she took in her body being strong and agile. When she was a little girl, Emily would run everywhere on all fours: she would often choose it over walking. Lion Kinghad become a touchstone for her at an early age, and she would roar and run like a lion, with little respite. In the house, she would set up obstacle courses and hurtle over chairs and furniture and up and down stairs. In nature, she would do the same: scrambling up rock faces and running along the open beach like a wild animal. It was a joy to behold. If there were an Olympics event for being on all fours, Emily would have been a gold medal recipient.

So – how to channel that boundless energy and enthusiasm for the physical into my own bearish, burdened body and at the same time access my Emily in a meaningful way? 

I decided to use an anchor, and maybe an embarrassing one, to tap into the good energy of Emily for 20 seconds-ish and also to raise my heart rate. Every time I enter the bathroom, I keep the door shut an extra 20 seconds and commune with Emily through lunging or squatting or punching or doing something physical in a small, contained space. During those 20 seconds I completely and utterly focus on transmitting and receiving love to and from Emily: only positive energy allowed. I breathe it all in and then exhale it all out. It is transforming me. It is bringing me to the knowing that she is here, she is bringing me strength for myself. It is a back-and-forthing of enthusiastic energy that radiates from me to her and onward to others. I have loved this energising routine thus far. Multiple times a day I am channeling this anabolic and spiritual energy. 

Just maybe you can find your own anchor: it certainly needn’t be mine! But when you get dressed in the morning, or each time you glance in the mirror, or whatever small moments you have in the day that reoccur with regularity and privacy, perhaps you can take that time to access Emily or another loved one that you wish to retain and find the sweetest succor from. Then energetically activate the love that you have and the love your departed wishes to give to you. Focus completely and give and receive. Give and receive. The loop of love.