Today is my 59th birthday and though I have a gazillion things I want to do in order to prepare for my little backyard soiree this evening that involves a signature cocktail with rhubarb and mint from my garden and delicious peaches from Costco, I just wanted to do some conscious writing and thinking before I leave my cozy bed that gives me a clear view of my veggie garden and the heronry trees outside.

I AM feeling festive and I WILL be festive on this first birthday without Emily’s physical presence. Why? Because I am absolutely convinced she is here with me, her universal energy all around me every time I allow it, which is much of the time, and almost always when I am out in that crazy little boho garden of mine, which now has an outdoor sink spilling over with flowers and a driftwood cottage that will become a refuge for our visits) and ferns upon ferns upon ferns. (I will not speak about the bastardly blackberries beyond saying that they have rooted themselves to depths that can neither be plumbed and widths that likely spread to the Salish Sea and beyond.) I have wild flower seeds strewn all over, many of which hungry birds have eaten (you’re welcome) and some of which are sprouting into who-knows-what. I have nine different varieties of tomatoes and will be receiving another as a gift tonight from my lovely friend, Cassie. There are cucumbers and herbs and pumpkins and zucchini and beans and peas, some of which I bought as seedlings and are thriving and some that are just journeying out of the soil and into the world.

Today, as every day, I will ask Emily for serendipitous occurrences, and I will ask for ease and flow and peace. My gardening and beach walks are meditation times when I talk to my sweet baby daughter, but I’m also in the routine of starting my day with ‘meditation proper’ and this also is providing me with a platform for the day that anchors me with stability and acceptance.

The greatest gift of today is Charlotte: Don is on his way now to pick her up at the ferry. She will be spending the weekend with us, and with her always comes a trail of joy and laughter and the best kind of silliness and creativity that rocks our world and helps us to know that we’ve done well as parents to both our daughters. She reaffirms to me how well and thoroughly I love. So we will spoil her and she will spoil me, and we will laugh and eat chocolate and go to Dairy Queen and have Royal Treats and wander the ocean landscape and watch Modern Family and she may even agree to get her pretty little hands into the dirt of my garden. More likely, she will bask in the sun (if we get any) of my funky metal blue lawn chair with the red cushion that my friend Lorna gave me while in Victoria a few weeks ago, and that we literally stuffed into my trunk and bungee corded down for my three hour ride home. Yay for sisters – souls sisters, adopted sisters, and biological sisters. (There is a blog about this coming soon, but it needs to be perfect, so be patient.)

I invite Emily to shine upon me all day and twinkle down on me all night, and fill me with energy and love and peace and playfulness. I know she wants me to have a deliciously fun day and so I shall! I am off to Costco to pick up a few things Don was unable to source last night in his shopping for our steak fajitas fiesta, and also to have some birthday fun eating samples, and perhaps ending the foray with a swirl cone. Yay for Costco. Maybe I shall even buy myself a sheet cake. I know there will be pea pods and baby carrots and tortillas and salsa and big juicy green grapes. Oh, and agave syrup for the margaritas. Which reminds me, I need to go make more ice.