forgiveness
A Note To My Emily
Oh, my Emily. I miss you beyond words. The grief that we feel is unimaginable. I just want to grab you and hold you and
March 21, 2024
11 Comments
New Start Every Day
#healing
A Day Without Tears
Yesterday was the first day since Emily’s death that neither Don nor I cried, even though she was abundant in our conversation. We spent
March 19, 2024
6 Comments
#thinkbetterthoughts
Serendipity
We are in New Orleans in the last of our southern states tour, soaking in the hospitality, gobbling up the gumbos and beignets, and
March 16, 2024
5 Comments
#digitalnomad
Road Tripping
We are in Memphis, Tennessee. Don is browsing in Goner Records and I’m enjoying a coffee next door. On yesterday’s LP perusal, I found
March 6, 2024
7 Comments
doomsday thinking
Preparing for the Worst, Hoping for the Best
When the worst has happened – and I cannot honestly think of anything worse than having your child end their own life – I
February 27, 2024
6 Comments
emotionalsupport
The Privilege of Pain
My friend Kristi spoke these words – the privilege of pain – when we met in December and she ministered to me by bringing a
February 24, 2024
3 Comments
comfort
The Sun Still Shines Even When It’s Rainy
I know that all of this introspective writing about Emily and grief can get heavy – it certainly can for me – but the fact
February 21, 2024
8 Comments
blame
Vigilance
I’ve been writing about vulnerability, but it became evident during my most recent therapy session the amount of vigilance I have been living with for
February 20, 2024
3 Comments
blame
Blame
Do I blame myself for Emily’s suicide? In no way – not for a second. Do I blame her? That is a more complicated question
February 16, 2024
11 Comments
forgiveness
Earth School
Nobody signs up for earth school, but it’s inevitable that we all matriculate. Nobody is exempt from the tutorials that are individually tailored to
February 15, 2024
8 Comments
emotionalsupport
Healing on the Beach
Last Thursday, in the throes of our loss, with the rain in its perpetual drizzle, nothing felt motivating or worth pursuing. Don had gotten out
February 13, 2024
4 Comments
emotionalsupport
The Loop of Love
I’ve been so tired and so inactive. Dragging my body around the block in the drizzle has been nearly impossible. Getting on the plush carpet
February 9, 2024
6 Comments
desperation
The Gift of Sharing Yourself
Credit: Gretchen Schmelzer There are times I just feel so lost without my Emily; I just want her to be here so badly, it takes
February 5, 2024
5 Comments
emotionalsupport
Vulnerability and Renewal
We have entered the ranks of the suburban folk by getting a membership at Costco. Initially, it felt rather exciting, but then it became overwhelming.
January 30, 2024
13 Comments
dreaming
Dreaming
Last night I had a dream that enlivened me and gave me hope. I began my sleep routine by retreating to my imaginary house
January 24, 2024
9 Comments